Year of the Fire Horse

This is the beginning of my 49th year on Earth and the Year of the Fire Horse. I’m sure there is some kind of symbolism there.

It’s also a time in which people are finally seeing the deeply abusive systems that run our society. I have spent the majority of my life either being ignored or called a bitch and told to shut up for pointing out normalized abuse. For saying that Patriarchy & pedophilia go hand in hand. That our society teaches us, conditions us to believe that abuse is love. That is it deeply misogynistic. That religion, spirituality (especially western kinds) are predatory. But no one wanted to hear that.

So I kept my thoughts to myself (most of the time). And now people are wondering why no one ever told them about these horrible things. It’s that you didn’t want to hear and you helped support those systems by helping keep us quiet.

That isn’t an easy thing to hear. That without you being aware you actively participated in and supported the abuse of others and yourself.

This really isn’t the post I set out to write today. I was going to tell you about all the different things I’ve tried to be over the years. Stay at home mom. Working mom. Work from home mom. Crafter. Handmade soap/ hand crafted jewelry/ stationery maker/ painter/ photographer/ writer/ insurance sales person (yes really). Some of those things worked better than others. But no matter which thing I was trying to be, what space I was trying to shove myself into, I never could keep my mouth all the way shut.

I never failed at saying the thing that pissed people off. That made men angry. I’m not great at parties. Because at some point someone will say or do a totally normal societal thing and before my filter can kick in, I will say the ‘mean’ thing and point out whatever form of abusive BS it is.

I am absolutely a don’t ask me things you don’t want to hear person. Because I will tell you a truth and you probably won’t like it.

Not because I’m actually mean and want to be hurtful, but because I want you to unlearn all that bullshit and live free from abuse. I want that for all of us.

What does any of this have to do with photography, journaling, painting or creativity at all?

All those things are the tools we can use to help us unlearn and de-condition ourselves. Creativity is our natural state of being. It’s spiritually wholistic in ways that traditional spiritual paths aren’t. It is us being our little human selves. It’s how we reshape our world.

These are the tools I use to help myself. These are the tools I will use to help you on your path. Because I can’t do the work for you. I’m more like a little roadside vender sitting at crossroads somewhere deep in the woods.

You might have subscribed because you want to see pretty photos, be inspired or learn photography or painting. I don’t know. Whatever reason you are here, I’m glad you are. If you choose to leave because you aren’t interested in unlearning the normalized abuse we all live with, that’s ok too. We aren’t all at the same point in our journeys and I’m not for everyone.

The world is hard right now. We need our art and hobbies and joys more than ever. Even when we are sitting with the intention of working through some harmful belief every time we create, we are still do the work.

It’s my 49th year on this Earth and I think I was born being over everyone’s shit. Holding my tongue is exhausting and not something worth my energy. I’d rather put my energy into living and creating and being joyful.

Where are you putting your energy?