Unlearning Is Not a Straight Line: What It Actually Means When the Old Sh*t Comes Back

I had a call yesterday with a person in tears. A relationship issue they thought had been dealt with and moved on from, was showing itself again. A pattern repeating. The Universe asking, “Have you really dealt with this? Are you sure this way you lived for so long isn’t what you want?”

When you’ve been doing self work, old patterns/issues popping up can make it feel like you’ve made zero progress. Unlearning harmful ways of being takes time and practice. Repeating the same things over and over until they stick. Just like learning to read or do math.

And right now with the world being how it’s being, these moments can feel massive. Many of us are stretched thin. It is increasingly important that we do our best to not be assholes to ourselves or to others.

Being able to ask yourself, “Am I seeing/understanding this moment clearly?” And honestly answer.

And that’s hard. We aren’t always great at taking responsibility for our part in situations.

If you are experiencing old patterns showing up, instead of looking at it as a failure or a lack of progress, remember you’ve been through this before. You survived it before. You have information/experience to get you through it this time. You can say, “No I’m not doing that any more.” Then act accordingly.

People/Society/Traditional Systems are out there showing their whole ass. So we can see how dysfunctional (many) our relationships are and choose to create something different. Before we can do that, we have to learn what healthy relationships look like. Unlearn all the abusive nonsense that is normalized in our current reality. It’s not easy or fast work. But it’s worth it.