Snow Boots of Internalized Misogyny

We were invited to a bonfire. I didn’t go. I told my husband it was because I didn’t have proper warm things to wear. (It was snowing.) This was only part of the reason I didn’t want to go, but that is something not for here.

“Don’t you have snow boots?”

“Yes, but they aren’t warm.”

He looked at me as if he didn't quite believe me and went to the bonfire.

Yesterday, I dug my snow boots out. There is enough snow and cold that I need them bring firewood from the shed to the porch.

They are sad looking things.

My daughter and I talked about how long I’ve owned them. I can’t remember when I bought them. The last pair of snow boots I bought were black. These ones are white. The black pair, I bought when I worked at Wal-Mart after we bought our house 20 years ago.

Those black ones, were the ones meant to replace the white ones. My daughter ended up with the black ones because we couldn’t afford new boots for all the kids that winter. Even with my husband and I both having jobs.

I kept wearing the white ones. They aren’t really white any more. Dingy and worn.

But none of this is about snow boots.

This is one of the many ways I put myself last. I’m terrible at buying myself new shoes. I will wear thrift store shoes for years before giving in and getting new ones or new to me ones. I wore hiking boots that the left one somehow soaked up the slightest amount of rain. I walked around for several years with a wet left foot.

None of this is about shoes.

It’s the societal conditioning some of us receive growing up that we deserve less than others. That they should sacrifice their health and wellbeing for others. That they are less than and deserve less than.

We all have been conditioned to or learned some harmful things. We don’t always realize they are harmful, because it’s a normal part of our life/society.

What does this have to with creativity or you making your art?

Everything.

If you are stuck in harmful conditioning, creativity is the way out. If you are in the process of unlearning/decontioning yourself, creativity is the tool box for supporting that process.

Creativity is the natural way you express, make use of, your intuition/genius. Being rooted in your creative center is being in a space to find solutions, plot your path, heal, grow and thrive. Being creative is more than being an artist or crafter. Being creative is your natural state of being. When you are rooted into your self, outside influences have less of an impact on you. You aren’t seeking validation from outside of yourself. You understand that you can trust yourself, your intuition.

I feel like I’m expressing this idea, my deep belief, that creativity is a healing force in our lives, not very well. That it is the path to undoing all the abusive things we’ve normalized in our society is our natural inherent creativity.

This isn’t about snow boots.

Creative acts can be meditative, healing, help us process our thoughts and emotions. Clear up brain space so solutions/information/ideas we need can come through and then turn them into sometime physical and real. It helps us make connections between things that we might not have. See new ways of doing things. It’s an act of self love and kindness that flows out to impact everyone around us.

I’m not sure that makes sense. My point is without being rooted into my creative center, without having a regular art/craft/journaling practice, I probably wouldn’t have reached a point where I noticed the snow boot thing or realized what was driving that pattern or been able to move out of that pattern.

This is one of the many reasons why I bang on about creativity all the time. It is so much more that the narrow box our society has crammed it into. Creativity is a powerful force of change and that makes it dangerous to the status quo.

This isn’t about snow boots.